Last year I taught so many classes that it was comparable to another full time job.  4 this past spring, 2 this summer and 2 last fall.  Right now I am scheduled for just one online class this fall and was hoping to pick up a second one on campus.  Nothing has come through so far which is rather aggravating.  But if it doesn’t happen, it won’t be that big of a deal.  I was a nervous wreck last spring teaching so many sections.  Every spare minute felt like I had to either be grading or reading or researching.  Maybe this fall will be a bit more relaxing and I will be able to focus more on my “real” job.

Speaking of which, I have a inter-departmental retreat on Monday and need to spend the better part of today preparing for it.  I am not 100% certain I will have much to contribute but I need to be prepared and make some kind of impression on the people I will be working with this year.  Almost like another interview!  I wonder how many people experience that……getting a job and then feeling like you have to earn it once you are there?  It is probably very common!

I did find out there were only 4 candidates for my job.  That has definitely been the history of this kind of job..very few experienced people out there.  I need to remember this and keep my eyes and ears open for new opportunities within the state.  Not this year but maybe in a year or two, depending on how things work out where I am.  I really like my new job, the people I work with and my new boss.  He seems to be the best I could have asked for considering he is not L*.  L* is irreplacable.  But the upside is that I believe I can learn alot from D*.  And S*.

Well, hard to believe that I have been on the new job 2 weeks already!  If I can recommend anything to an employer, it is to make sure your new employee has all the log ins and passwords needed to actually do their job.  It was a rather frustrating first week trying to figure out what software I had access to, what the user names and passwords were for said software and then, once I had access, trying to find out how to navigate each one.  I feel like I have wasted alot of time doing this. 

My actual job is rather vague as well.  This is probably a result of the person who used to have this job still being here.  Having J still working has been both a huge blessing and a small curse.  The blessings come, of course, from her extensive institutional knowledge.  I have a question..I just ask her!  But there is also a danger in looking like I don’t know what I am doing!  That is the curse.  The other aspect of the curse is that there are not very many clearly defined roles yet. 

I also needed to figure out the health insurance thing.  Waiting 2 months before I get coverage really, really sucks!!  For me, not the biggest issue.  But to have a college age son who also plays rugby……it could be disastrous.  So it means finagling things a bit to get coverage but not spend an arm and a leg.  I also have a paycheck I haven’t picked up yet.  That will be interesting but not exactly enlightening since it is only one week’s worth and health insurance is not being deducted yet.  I should also calcualte how much to put into savings.

Wow, talk about emotionally wrenching!  This was much, much harder than I ever thought it would be.  In the beginning the decision to leave was emotional, full of anger and resentment.  Then it became an economic decision.  Now I have no idea what I am doing!  There is some very real fear that I have made a terrible decision. 

Cry.  And cry. And cry.  That is how I spent the last two days of work.  There were so many things I wanted to get done before walking out the door.  They ended up being left undone.  Hopefully nothing that makes things too difficult or hurts a student in some way. 

I will write more soon but I am still digesting the impact of making this change.  Hopefully my short commute on Monday will help me see things a bit more positively!  I surely couldn’t feel any worse—

10 days left here at M* College.  And about as many large projects to get done.  Each day starts out well with a burst of energy and lots of attention.  By 3:30 or so, I am left with no motivation or enthusiasm for putting some of this stuff to bed.  I work alone on Friday and have BIG PLANS to get tons of stuff done.  What are the odds of that happening?  If I can get senior audits done, that will be a HUGE accomplishment. 

Everyone asks when my last day is and when I start the new job.  Everyone is a bit taken back that I am not giving myself any days off.  Hopefully this is the right decision.  I really want the money so that I can put it all towards the tuition bill.  In the end, I am sure I will be happy I did it this way.

I am also starting to doubt the wisdom of not having a good bye party here.  Everyone seems to be genuinely happy for me and wants to wish me well.  I did hold a bit of anger last week and was very worried that a good bye party would end up being the place I express it.  Never very good.   I am promising myself to make sure I have everyone’s home address and email so that I can keep in touch.  This time I will DEFINITELY add names to my Xmas card list.

Somehow, I just seem to be wasting so much time over the weekends lately.  I get some stuff done but nowhere near what I plan.  I shudda gone to the beach yesterday.  It was one of those perfect New England summer days..breezy, hot, no humidity.  Instead I started cleaning out drawers and closets.  Something I should do on rainy days.  On rainy days, I usually just sit around and watch tv!  I really have some serious issues with fun!! But I do have to admit that seeing a clean drawer gives me a bit of a thrill these days.  My goal is to work my way through the entire house before the end of the summer.   And lose weight.  And start my new job.  And start a work out plan.  And do a better job investing.  Geez……maybe I’ll just go to the beach next time!

Where I currently work, we move to a summer schedule which means an hour longer day but we only work 4 days.  It is a wonderful benefit and will be DEEPLY missed!  While I gave a 5 week notice to be able to clean up some of my projects and help with orientation, it didn’t escape my notice that it also meant that I would have at least some days off this week. So this will be a 4 day weekend for me and then I have one other one for the July 4th holiday.  Gotta love higher ed and summer schedules!  Not quite the same as having the entire summer off but it sure is better than working 40 week in and week out. 

Something else happened that has never happened before and probably won’t again for the very long future.  I got a $1500 bonus yesterday!  An incredible surprise.  I was pretty shocked in that I really appreciated the fact that they gave it to me even knowing I was leaving in a few weeks.  I know it was given because of the work I did this past year but even still, I am surprised.  And very appreciative.  Now I have to figure out if I should spend or save.  A part of me is thinking that I should spend it.  Take a long weekend with DS before he heads back to school next September.  How long before he will be too busy/not interested/moves away and I won’t have the opportunity?  Just last night he was wondering what plans he should make for his future–his living arrangements, career, stuff like that.  I think he is being a bit too anxious to get started on “Life” but it is easy to forget that he has always been this way and it is a part of who he is.  ::::sigh:::::  what to do?

The official announcement of my leaving went out today and there was an immediate (and may I say gratifying) response.  I already knew I would miss alot of the people here but when they come by or email to wish me well, it is very sad.  I am terrible at staying in touch.  What is the secret with that?  I have friends who do it with such love and grace that they make me ashamed.  Obviously, it is a commitment and one I should really try to make.  If only I had kept the names and addresses of the people I have worked with in the past.  Now with emails, it is so much easier and there really shouldn’t be any excuse. 

It is never easy to say good bye.  Is there a better way than others to do it?  I have made so many wonderful friends here in the two years I have worked here.  That is what is going to make this change the hardest.  I am not worried about the work itself.  That I will figure out and it will probably be mostly the same as what I have done in this job.  But will I make friends as easily?  For some reason, it just felt effortless here.  And to say good bye to those people whose jobs will get harder because I am leaving is the worst.  I know they are sad to see me go for the loss of friendship but even more so because they will have to take on tasks they really do not want.  And deep inside, I know I am a little happy that it won’t be me doing them any more!  How bad is that?

1. Where was I ten years ago?

In 1998, I was living and working in Newport.  With Richard on Eustis Avenue and working in Admissions.  Making a pitance.  Trying to make the relationship work.  Not much has changed except the money, the job and the relationship!  Geez.

2.  Five things  on my “to do” list

If this is a short term “to do” list, it includes clean the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom and living room.  And organize for a yard sale.

3. Snacks I enjoy

Crab rangoon, caramels, peanut butter on toast

4. Things I would do if I was a millionaire

Pay off my son’s tuition, quit my job, get my PhD, buy a house on the beach, start a charity

5. Places I have lived

Malvern PA, Paoli PA, Portsmouth RI, Newport RI, Mexico City Mexico

 That was somewhat interesting.  I really didn’t think too much that I haven’t strayed that far from home all these years.  Wonder what the next 10 years holds.

I have started bringing home those personal items such as art work, momentos, photos that we all have in our work space.  It is already starting to feel stark.  What will my new office space look like?  Will I have any privacy?  Will I be able to control the temperature?  Who would have thought that those would be the two most important things to me in a job?  Well, maybe not the absolutely most important but definitely impacting my daily quality of life.  My fingers are crossed for a thermostat!

What I do know is that I won’t be missing that 2 hour one way commute each day.  I won’t miss the twice weekly gas tanks fill ups.  I won’t miss the mind numbing crawl on Rte 128.  I used to call my commute my two hours of “personal time” each morning.  That was when gasline was under $3.00 a gallon.  Now I call it my second mortgage!  What will I do with all that new-found money?  Probably pay my heating bills!

My commute has given me an unusual opportunity to listen to as many as 5 audio books a week.  I have lost count of them over the months.  Now it will take me a month of commuting to listen to something like “World Without End”.